The self-serve blood test

It looks like private enterprise is getting into the lab testing business, making it possible for you to bypass your doctor to get a blood test (and others). In researching this topic, I came across a Forbes Health site that rates 11 such companies. Here’s a quote from the site:

You Might Feel Fine—But What’s Happening Inside?
Fatigue. Weight gain. Brain fog. These subtle symptoms are often dismissed or attributed to stress. However, they could be early warning signs of deeper issues, such as nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, inflammation, or even the onset of chronic disease. The problem? Most people are unaware, as they do not test their blood regularly enough.

On reading this, my initial thought was “Good heavens! It’s a scare tactic to generate business!”

One company, called Function, was not listed in the Forbes list (I don’t know why). But it was the focus of a New York Times article. For $365 a year, Function offers more than 160 lab tests—far beyond what is typically included in an annual workup. (If you test that many markers, a few of them will be abnormal in a person who’s healthy.)

Function customers receive a summary created by AI and reviewed by a clinician. The summary includes the test results, how to interpret them, and what steps to take next. The company does not accept insurance. The blood draws themselves are performed at Quest Diagnostics locations.  

The bloodwork that you’d typically get from your doctor mostly screens for common conditions that have well-established treatments, such as diabetes and anemia. Depending on your history or symptoms, you might also be tested for additional biomarkers.

Looking at 100 to 1000 biomarkers—as offered by these companies—sounds like a fishing expedition, leading to unnecessary follow-ups, treatments, and anxiety. I’ll skip it.

For an introduction to this blog, see I Just Say No; for a list of blog topics, click the Topics tab.

For an introduction to this blog, see I Just Say No; for a list of blog topics, click the Topics tab.

The rise in autism

When I was growing up in the 1940s and ‘50s, I never knew anyone—or of anyone—who was autistic. Now, off the top of my head, I can name three people who have autistic grandchildren. The rise in autism has commonly been attributed to better record keeping. I never believed this.

During the 1970s, three in 10,000 children were diagnosed with autism. According to the CDC, in 2025, one in 31 U.S. children aged eight are identified with autism spectrum disorder. 

New research, which I learned about from alert reader Don Jordan, indicates that certain drugs, taken during pregnancy, are at least partially responsible for the rise in autism. The drugs in question are those that inhibit the synthesis of sterols—in this case, cholesterol.

The medications include SSRIs, such as Fluoxetine; antipsychotics, such as haloperidol; beta blockers, such as metropole; statins, such as simvastatin; and others, including trazodone, bupropion, and buspirone.

The research, published in Molecular Psychiatry, is based on a study of more than six million pregnancies spanning all fifty states over ten years. Roughly 11 percent of pregnant women studied were prescribed at least one of these drugs. The researchers found 234,971 children with an autism diagnosis.

The article states, “Cholesterol is essential for life, serving as a critical structural component of all cells.…Cholesterol biosynthesis is particularly critical during intrauterine development in all vertebrates.” (Our brains are the most cholesterol-rich organs in our bodies.)

Other studies have shown that “maternal inflammation” contributes to the rise in autism. For example, scientists have found that a mother who is diagnosed with asthma or allergies during the second trimester more than doubles the unborn child’s risk of autism. Other studies have shown that mothers of autistic children tended to have more autoimmune disorders such as rheumatoid arthritis and celiac disease. The idea is that the mother’s inadequately controlled inflammatory responses can predispose autism in the child. (The spinal fluid of autistic people has shown elevated markers of inflammation.)  

These statistics are alarming. One scientist notes that “Something environmental is causing the rise.” But what?

For an introduction to this blog, see I Just Say No; for a list of blog topics, click the Topics tab.

Body awareness: your sixth sense

The term for this is proprioception—your sense of where your body is in space. Neurons embedded in your muscles, joints, and tendons sense when these body parts are stretching, bending, or rotating. This information travels to your brain, helping you with coordination.

I read a book about a man who, following a bout of flu, lost his sense of proprioception. He had to depend on his eyes to determine what his body was doing. In a dark room, or with his eyes closed, he’d fall over.

Your body awareness naturally declines with age, increasing your risk of falling. Moving your body helps to keep your proprioception in tune. The less you move, the more your body awareness deteriorates.

To test your upper body proprioception, stand in front of a mirror, close your eyes and try to raise both arms to shoulder height, parallel to the floor. Once you think you’re positioned like an uppercase “T,” open your eyes and note how far your arms are from where you expected. If you’re off by a few inches, you can improve your awareness with exercises (see below). If you’re off by eight or more inches, it might indicate a neurological condition, such as Parkinson’s disease.

To test your lower body proprioception, with your eyes open and both arms crossed over your chest, see how long you can keep your balance while standing on one leg. Repeat the exercise with your eyes closed. Do the same test with your other leg. Healthy adults under 50 should be able to balance for 40 seconds with both eyes open, and for seven seconds with both eyes closed. By the time you reach your 70s, those numbers drop to 15 and two seconds, respectively.

You can improve your body awareness by practicing standing on one leg, performing Tai Chi exercises, walking on uneven surfaces, and walking heel to toe.

I tried the first test and nailed it. I failed the second one, but then I’m nearly 90.

For an introduction to this blog, see I Just Say No; for a list of blog topics, click the Topics tab.

Delusional infestations

I’d never heard of such a thing until recently, when I was drawn to an article about it in The New York Times. Delusional infestation is the belief that you’re being infested by insects or parasites. It’s a complicated and rare phenomenon, but sufferers may go to extreme lengths to try curing themselves. One respected cancer researcher believed that insects were burrowing under his skin. He tried medications, exterminators, and even soaking himself in a bathtub of insecticide.

The point of the article had to do with people’s frustrations at not getting a diagnosis for their symptoms—such as brain fog or fatigue—when there are no visible signs of illness. They're left feeling frustrated and dismissed.

People who suffer from delusional infestations do, in fact, have something wrong with them. The causes might be an autoimmune disease, allergy, nerve damage, a thyroid condition, or drug side effects, all of which can produce an itching or even crawling sensation. Because of their frustration with the revolving door of health care providers, many of these sufferers have turned to entomologists for help.   

Starting in the early 2000s, one entomologist began seeing people who were convinced that bugs were inside their bodies. At first, there were one or two such people a year. In 2025, she received 1,610 inquiries from sufferers. Some people who come to her office have mutilated themselves to extract the phantom parasites. (For one thing, the entomologist explains that bugs need air to breathe and thus cannot burrow under the skin.)

If you have unbearable itching, I wish you good luck at getting a correct diagnosis. You can assume it’s not bugs burrowing into your body.

For an introduction to this blog, see I Just Say No; for a list of blog topics, click the Topics tab.